Suddenly the entire classroom, including the perpetually slumbering student in the back, turned to look at the door and joined the shrieking because there was – lo and behold – a zombie at the door!

 

 Now, how fortunate would we all be to have a reason to get out of math without a pass? Sadly, once we’re out of that door, our lives as CHS students won’t be much different from that of Rick and Carl Grimes from The Walking Dead. Here are five ways you can get back to math class – that is, if you’d rather do that than get eaten by a zombie. It’s a hard choice, I know.

 

Take advantage of what your teacher is legally responsible for – you.

When parents are not present, teachers are bound under the law to act as parents to the students. If in your case a zombie were to enter the room, take advantage of the law, and use your teacher as a human shield (no hard feelings, of course – survival of the fittest!).

 

Raid your teacher's desk, fridge, or better yet... the teacher's lounge. 

Surely teacher's aren't as boring as we make them out to be. They're still human, they need food to survive. But more importantly, we need food. Teachers are here to help us right?

 

Ladies, bras aren’t all that bad. 

I’d like to introduce you to a little something I call “pantries on the go”. Personally, I can sympathize and attest to the fact that 99.9% of the times, bras are torturous contraptions meant to ruin the rest of our lives.

 

When you’re in the middle of a zombie apocalypse, however, we must take advantage of what our mothers gave us! … Or bought us, I suppose. Bras are the perfect storage for all things food – chocolate bars, chocolate bars, and… chocolate bars. And hopefully, if you’re friends with the right people, your chocolate bars won’t be stolen.

 

Have faith and believe in yourself.

Reach deep down into your soul and remember that you have what it takes to kick zombie butt. It will be a challenge if you aren't a god from Olympus, but the satisfaction of those zombies dying again at your hand is far greater than any satisfaction you may get from being proficient in high school.

         

         

Teach those zombies how to really respect the C.

Fellow Chargers, we are a very diverse and unique group of students. And no matter how repetitive it may be, it’s safe to assume that we’re told to respect the C every morning for the specific purpose of teaching those flesh-eating zombies a quick lesson about how we settle things at Clark.

 

While the robotics club can quickly engineer innovative weapons just for us Chargers, the teachers, if you haven't utilized them as a shield yet, can strategically plot the road to a zombie free school. Once the battle plan is confirmed, we must unite as one student body to kick those zombies' slimy butts. Before you know it, those zombies will be dead... again.

 

It's a truth universally acknowledged that the zombie apocalypse is just looming over the horizon, and now you have exactly what it takes to retain all the useful information your wonderful teachers have taught you over the years.