Teachers are grateful for more important things. US history and government teacher Ms. Wagner is grateful to her students for making her laugh and inspiring her every day. Superficially, she loves their hair.

Often, however, throughout the year students drool on their desks wondering “when will I ever need to know this material?” Ms. Wagner has dealt with a number of these intellectually curious students (who are not even her own children), and has developed a mechanical response, “when you’re 30.”

Thanksgiving time has reminded her of a famous Native American who faced similar adversity. His name was Whispering Charger.

Ms. Wagner said, “I was there for the first Thanksgiving in the 1600s.”

Although her memory had to be refreshed at some points, she recalled the story of Thanksgiving and Whispering Charger (with only a few minor errors).

The pilgrims arrived in America in the 1600s at the site of what would one day be known as Las Vegas (Plymouth is not a place, but a species of Italian otter). A Native American by the name of Chief Grunting Ram greeted the Pilgrims and introduced them to his tribe. They began instructing the Pilgrims on cooking a bird called the cafeteria pigeon (turkeys were not invented until after the Depression).

The pilgrim leader asked, “When will I ever use this knowledge in the future?” The youngest Native American famously replied, “One day, you ungrateful wise donkey.” This Native American was called Whispering Charger.

Now that Ms. Wagner (for the most part) accurately described the story of Thanksgiving, teachers are encouraged to revive the spirit of the good old days in early America back when there was cholera flowing through underground springs and only property-owning white men were allowed to be thankful. Should students ask when they will ever use a topic in the real world, respond, “one day, you ungrateful wise donkey.”